Warning: this is a horribly selfish post.

I have that not so fresh feeling. It smells a little like guilt. I'll apologize in a minute but first ...

Omg I'm jonesing to feel what it feels like to be someone that doesn't have a care in the world other than themselves! I mean, how does it feel to not have to take care of someone? No, I'm not talking about what it feels like to be a man, though I'd have to wager it's pretty damn close. No, I mean to be - dare I say for fear of breathing life in to any possibility of such a thing - childless?

I know, I know, what a cad that must make me seem, and perhaps I am. I get that there are well-deserving people out there that want children and can't have them and they would think I was equally as awful or perhaps worse than even I think I am. I'm sorry, really I am. I certainly feel guilty for saying it but for what it's worth, it's just the truth and if you know me well enough you know I am all about some truthiness.

But please understand, I have not really known an independent life, a life w/o someone depending on me every single day for their sustenance. I've spent my whole adult life being someone's full-time parent(s) due to the fact that one dad (The Donor) was/is a self-serving, self-important douche-bag; the other due to a long commute to work and night shift schedule. Okay, I AM the one responsible for it all; I made my bed and now I lie in it.  It's all due to choices I've made in life. Karma.  I get it. Just, can I get a break BEFORE it breaks me???? Why can't I make the easy choices? What did I do to deserve the hard road in life? Why me? Blah, blah, blah, a bunch of other dribble, blah.

Oh pay me no mind. I'm just being whiny and selfish, give me a few minutes and that'll go away and be replaced by a healthy dose of realism and acceptance. It's just been a long day, that followed a long week, that followed a long month, which is wrapping up a long year that's part of a long battle in what is (hopefully, I think) a long life. See, my inner pessimist, long isn't always bad!

*drumroll*

That's what she said.